What's in YOUR wallet? (and is mine hiding in there too?)

At the risk of detracting attention from the post below (please continue to vote. I still have faith that my choice will win out in the end)... I am sorry to report that I have lost my wallet. Well, actually, I tell people that it was stolen (could be true), which definitely makes me feel less dumb about my current money-less status.

However, let us commiserate for a minute. If you have ever been blessed enough to lose your wallet... and been SMART enough to keep a spare check in there in case of an emergency, you realize the pain and suffering that goes along with trying to identify everything that was in your little money pouch, verify your identity to your card companies, replace your driver's license, and close your checking accounts... with no identification or record of your card numbers.

I present the following questions to you, Mr. Corporation who has my account hostage:

1. How am I supposed to provide my debit card or credit card number to you if I cannot find my wallet? You know that number you're looking for? Well, it's printed on my lost card! Your silly minions got me to sign up for e-statements to save you the $0.41 per month that it costs to send out my paper statement... and when I sign into my account online, you block out my card number. What do you want from me?!?

2. Why, oh why, will you not respond to me jamming "0" or yelling "operator/representative!" into the phone over and over? Since when did you think that "I'm sorry, that is not a valid response. Please choose from the following menu..." was a customer service-oriented response?

3. How am I supposed to present to you two forms of picture-ID when all of the ID in my wallet has been stolen? S-t-o-l-e-n. I-no-have-it.

On the upside, because identity theft is so rampant nowadays, it has become quite easy to add a "fraud alert" to your credit file and stop those theives from opening up a Mervyn's card in your name. Additionally all these phone calls have allowed me to quickly determine which companies have decided to cut costs by sending my call to India.

Mr. Corporation, let me say this: please, oh please, just give me my new piece of plastic so I can join the rest of America and overleverage myself while paying you an exorbitant interest rate. Is that really too much to ask during this recession?