Lemmings and kittens

USA Today reports that American Idol is starting next week--the producers are wary after the show's first ever decline in viewership last year (allegedly due to the lack of personality and talent of the finalists) and poor attendance during the Idol tour. In addition to being giddy about the Writers Strike that prevents us poor couch potato Americans from being able to watch scripted shows, the producers are making the following adjustments:

1. Letting singers play musical instruments during their performances in the first combined gathering of audition survivors,

[Translation: trying to convince the viewers that these contestants actually have a shred of musical talent]

2. Visiting finalists' hometowns and interviewing family and friends earlier in the process to help viewers get to know them faster, and

[Translation: trying to sway viewers' votes to make the voting even more producer-controlled than it already is, and finding a sob or glory story that fits every viable contestant]

3. Adding an hour to the Hollywood Round and a possible "where are they now?" segment to highlight earlier Idol performers on top-12 results shows.

[Translation: finding a way to appeal to either the viewers' senses of (1) jealousy, by showing the utter failure of previous contestants, or (2) pride, by showing the success of previous contestants, thereby validating the time, money, and occasional techie [illegal] dialing schemes of viewers that go towards supporting their favorite Idol]

Apparently, the "secret weapons" of Idol are the highly watched episodes during the first few weeks where viewers are baffled by the showcase of American singing talent while Simon Cowell provides a number of entertaining soundbytes. When the judges faced complaints that they were being too harsh on contestants, our favorite Simon responded, "Sometimes we say things that maybe we shouldn't, but we're not drowning kittens."

As long as they continue to refrain from drowning kittens, I'll be tuning in. I'll see you there.

Update: Season 5 winner Taylor Hicks was dropped by his record label. Shocking.