Strike... Strike... Strike... Strike...

I'm sure you've probably heard that the Writer's Guild is going on strike. Maybe the poor writers who have destroyed House will stay on strike... FOREVER! One can only hope, right? Regardless, one of my buddies who works at a network television station received this well-thought out email. Since this email was probably composed by an attorney, I have provided a translated version of each paragraph for your convenience.

"Please be advised that The Writers Guild of America will be conducting a large strike rally with between 2-4,000 participants outside the Studio on Friday, November 9 from 10:00AM until 12:30 PM. Rallies such as this are considered normal when a union is on strike. We anticipate the WGA will continue hosting rallies such as this at other studio locations in the weeks to come."

Translation: When dealing with riotous masses, realize that said riots are normal, and of course, expect more riots.

"If there are large gatherings of people around Lot or Plaza entrance gates, please remain calm and courteous as you enter the facility. We fully expect entrances to remain open, however, carpooling is highly encouraged due to potential traffic concerns."

Translation: Remain calm and courteous among yelling mobs, and try really hard to get to work even though mobs are filling the streets. Oh, additionally, travel in numbers for "convenience" (not protection, of course).

"If you are blocked from entering the Studio Lot, or if you feel threatened, do not attempt to enter and call Security for assistance."

Translation: If you are caught up in a swell of mobs or protestors, remain in said mob. Use your handy-dandy cell phone to call 555-rent-a-cop to "protect" you from screaming mob after being threatened.

"Please remember that only authorized spokespersons may provide public statements about Company matters, or may initiate contact with members of the media about network matters. If you are contacted by any member of the press, you must immediately refer that individual to [name edited] in Corporate Communications."

Translation: Above all, DO NOT TALK TO ANYONE.

Here is a quote from a great book that relates very well to the above email... "and I saw them gathered together in multitudes; and I saw wars and rumors of wars among them; and in wars and rumors of wars I saw many generations pass away." Eep. Glad I don't live in Southern California.

Luckily, I live in Utah, where the following comic accurately represents my daily routine: