Don't try this at home.

A tragedy occurred this past weekend.

In an effort to be prepared for any natural disaster that might occur, my roommates and I set out to assemble 72 hour kits and bulk up our food storage. Included on the list of items that we needed for these kits were waterproof matches--to our dismay, Walmart didn't even have regular matches in stock. Wendy (aka pyromaniac), however, had a few matchboxes at home that we thought we could waterproof ourselves.

Apparently, you can coat the match tip with a thin layer of melted candle wax and thereby waterproof the match. We found a suitable candle for this project, but realized that the sides of the candle hadn't burned down properly--the wick and melted wax pool would be too low to dip an unlit match into the wax without burning ourselves. Wendy's solution was to cut the sides of the candle down so the wick and wax pool would be more easily accessible. [See picture of candle, above. Note that the candle has been cut down since 'the incident'.]

To accomplish this feat, she got out her trusty knife at about midnight. However, to everyone's dismay, Wendy cut the candle with a bit too much force and ended up gashing the knife through the knuckle between her palm and index finger on her left hand. She then jumped up and stated "I cut myself. I'm bleeding." and walked quickly into the bathroom to grab a towel to apply pressure to her hand. Her quick, calm response didn't tip me off to how serious her cut actually was.

From the bathroom, Wendy asked me to clean up the blood that had dripped on our carpet. I took one look at the blood, got unnecessarily queasy, and asked Chantal to clean up the blood while I proceeded to "help" by lying on the ground in fetal position. The rest of the events of the night are a bit of a blur. I only remember the following:

1. Wendy walking around the house with her hand wrapped in a yellow towel, raised high above her head while calling her friends (one being an ER doc, another a radiologist) to ask them what to do.

2. Chantal saying that Wendy seriously needed stitches, and Wendy saying that ERs are a pain and she'd rather not go.

3. Chantal talking to Wendy's doctor friends to figure out how to fix the problem sans stitches [note: the doctors apparently told Chantal* that she needed to "oppose the tissues, then put a few layers of super glue over the wound." Chantal doesn't remember hearing this bit of information].

4. Chantal pouring super glue [well, actually it was "Elmer's fix all glue", which is substantially more viscous than normal quick-drying super glue] into Wendy's wound, while I sat with my head anchored against Wendy's head and my hands holding Wendy's arm in place, with Wendy gripping the door frame to the bathroom with her "good hand". I also definitely remember screaming.

5. Wendy saying that she thought she was going to pass out from the pain.

6. Blood. A lot of blood.

The wound was then covered and bandaged by 2am. When Wendy went and visited her doctor friends the next day, however, we realized that our medical efforts weren't quite... ahem... effective. Apparently, the super glue was supposed to seal the wound and not be poured directly into the gaping wound.

In short, the dried superglue lodged into Wendy's wound had to be removed--with scissors, a tweezer, and a bunch of lost blood. Wendy was grateful to be given the option of a shot to numb her hand, which she gladly took. The ER doc said that this shot would, and I quote, "hurt like the Dickens." Wendy indicated that the shot did not hurt to even a fraction of the degree of pain she experienced when super glue was poured into the gaping hole on her knuckle. Be informed that Wendy's wound was then stitched up by the actual doctors... but not within the usual 12 hour window during which stitches must be performed to be most effective. Despite delayed medical attention, we all hope for the best.

Oh--did I mention that Wendy also pulled her groin longboarding a couple days earlier and is still recovering from a large wound on her elbow from a biking accident? If anyone is looking for a reallllyyy beat up girl, you know where to find her.

*Despite her medically-inferior methods, Chantal should be thanked for actually having the gumption to face this wound head on. Wendy has dubbed Chantal the "hero of the night." I am apparently dubbed "wuss pants".